Life Lessons: high school edition

Listen up girls, this one’s for you. When I was in highschool I learned a very valuable lesson about self confidence, personal image and people’s opinions. Sophomore year I dated this boy for two months who out of nowhere broke up with me with no explanation. I obsessed over this more than I should have simply because I was left not understanding what caused the split. I wouldn’t leave him alone and out of pity, he hung out with me some more. He was so mean though. He told me that my facial expressions were so ugly. That I would probably end up as a cat lady. That I talked too much and boys didn’t like that. I took all of these things to heart and thought that I had to change myself to make myself likable and better. I kept trying to get this boy’s attention and then one day he finally told me why he broke up with me… because I didn’t dress nice. You see this boy was obsessed with image and moving himself up to being a “popular kid”. Dating someone who dressed so casual like me I guess wasn’t good for his image. I was so heartbroken that I reinvented myself that summer. I was dedicated to looking better than everyone and subsequently being better than everyone so that one day I could get this boy back. The problem though was that in doing this I lost myself and I became extremely insecure. I masked this insecurity with what I thought was confidence. Junior year I came back to school looking completely new. I only wore dresses and heels… every day! My makeup was always done and I acted like a bitch so that people could know that I was better than them. I thought that was how it worked. You treat other people like shit because you are better than them and you become the best person ever. That wasn’t the case. People did admire me though. I heard people whispering about me sometimes. But everytime this would happen I would get really scared that they were saying bad things about my outfit or my makeup and I’d be on the edge of tears. This was a red flag. How could I look so nice and get so many compliments but still want to cry when my appearance was mentioned. Soon enough I barely had friends because I came to believe that I was too good for my usual friends. I thought I was happy with all of the attention I received. Senior year I expected to go back to school still looking amazing and being better than everyone. It didn’t go that way however because my grandma died, then my dog ran away and finally this boy who sat in front of me in class killed himself. That last one was my breaking point. You see I was already really depressed because of the other losses in my life. I wanted to be left alone to sulk and not be bothered by people that were “lesser” than me. This boy in my class was two years younger than me and didn’t talk to anyone. It was obvious that he struggled and needed a friend but I definitely wasn't going to talk to him because I was better than him. I was a senior and he was a sophomore. About a week went by and he hadn’t showed up to class. Finally, some counselors visited to tell us that he had killed himself. Literally everyone in the room looked around not knowing who they were talking about. The counselors proceeded to say “I’m sure some of you were friends with him so if you need to talk to us you can”. There was an awkward tension in the room because everyone realized that actually this kid had no friends. Once the counselors left, class went on as usual as if nothing happened. I couldn’t believe it. I went home and cried my eyes out. How could I be so shallow? I claimed that I one day wanted to help kids but here I was thinking that life was all about my image and upholding some stupid idea of superiority. I felt like maybe if one person had talked to him things could have been different. If he just had one friend. Right then I realized that I hated who I was. I had become a bitch. I wasn’t any better than anyone else just because I was older or because I thought I dressed better than them. A person's value is not dependant on such physical traits. People are worth so much more. Each person is a unique, thoughtful creature that you can learn so much from. How could I value my life over anyone else's? And this was all because I wanted to be liked. I realized that it doesn’t matter who likes me and who doesn’t. I was always alone at the end of the day anyway. It doesn’t matter what you look like either. Clothes and makeup didn’t make me any less insecure. What I thought was confidence was just me being mean because of my insecurities. I decided to make a change and now I’m in college studying psychology so that I can one day be a counselor. I want to be there to remind kids of their worth and break down the status quo that starts in high school. My advice is, don’t let the ideas of physical perfection tear you down. So many girls think that if they are pretty they have some type of power and can treat other people with no respect. Also, don’t let people, especially boys, make you think that you have to change your look or who you are to be valuable. You are valuable just because you are a unique person. No one can be exactly like you so embrace it. Finally, confidence is not thinking you are better than people or that you are some goddess. Confidence is understanding yourself and doing what you love without regards to what other people think or what they want of you. So, here’s to self love, kindness, confidence and individuality!