What I Wish I Could Say To Him

When it comes to the boy I love, I find it hard to say the right things. I’m usually good with my words but around him I’m not. Right now he is really far away because he lives in another country and went home for the summer. I miss him so unbelievably. It makes me feel like I can’t live happily without him. You see when we were at school we did everything together. I lived in his room. We would wake up and brush our teeth together. Spend the whole day hanging out and occasionally getting on each others nerves. Then, at night we would fall asleep together. Him holding me tight. He would kiss me on the cheek and we would say goodnight. I loved my life with him. Even though I gave him a hard time almost everyday, we would always go to sleep knowing one thing, we loved each other and we would always be there for one another. Now that he is gone my life feels empty. I miss everything about him. I miss his smile, his laugh, his jokes, the way he hugged me… I love everything about him. Anything he did amazed me no matter how normal or usual it was. I miss him telling me how much he loves me most. Lately things have been a little rough since I was so difficult when summer started. I was so scared to lose him that I became too much to deal with. Always giving him trouble. I simply missed him so much. Now we don’t talk as much and I find myself heartbroken everyday. I just want him to call me, tell me he loves me and tell me everything about his day. He could honestly talk about anything and I could listen all day with no loss of interest. I want him to know how much I love him and I want him to know that I’d do anything to get things back to what they were. I don't want to lose him. My life with him has been better than it’s ever been. I just want to dedicate my life to him, make him happy, support him. This summer is just so long. I feel like he is getting used to living without me. My fear is that he prefers living on his own than living with me. I miss kissing him and holding him on my chest while I stroked his hair. I try to tell him everyday but I don’t know if he is really hearing me. I miss everything about him because he is the most amazing guy in the world. Without him, I’d be lost with no direction. If I lose him then I would have ruined my life because of my own insecurities. I would have let my fears take everything from me. I won’t ever give up on him though and I hope he knows that.